Recently, I started reading a book entitled “Give and take.” In it I read the following words that really caught my attention. It says, that there is an often neglected ingredient to success.
“Success depends heavily on how we approach our interaction with other people.” He goes on to say “Every time we interact with another person at work, we have a choice to make: do we try to claim as much value as we can or contribute value without worrying about what we receive in return?”
He then separates everyone into two categories. People are either takers or givers. Takers, Grant says like to get more than they give. They believe that the world is a competitive, dog-eat-dog place. In order to succeed, they need to be better than others. They’re not cruel, cut throat or evil people. They’re just cautious and self-protective. They see people and opportunities as stepping stones to personal glory.
Givers, are more focused on what other people need from them. This isn’t based on how much one gives to charity. But it’s in the way they interact people. Givers look for ways that they can help others succeed, even at their own cost.
He points out the fact that this doesn’t mean that we have to be like Ghandi or Mother Theresa. Instead, this is shown in how we interact with people on a regular basis.
He also briefly mentions matchers. They are the ones who make it their goal to be fair. They’re in between takers and givers.
Who do you think would sink to the bottom of the success scale? Givers, matchers, or Takers? Givers are at a clear disadvantage, “they make others better off but sacrifice their own success in the process.”
Givers are least productive and effective engineers. According to a survey they did in Belgian medical school, Givers also struggle as medical students. Givers brought in two and a half times less than their fellow salesmen. So, seeing all of this, we train our children to become takers. But is this really the way to success?
Take the political struggle of a Kentucky hick, who went by the name Sampson. He wanted to be the Clinton of Illinois. At the age of 23 he ran for the state legislature seat and failed. He started a business which failed. Then his business partner died, leaving him with a loan, 15 times his annual income. 2 years later, ran again, and he finally won. After 8 years, he decided to go national. He went for the senate seat.
He was in the lead with 44 percent support. But at the last minute, the governor in office at the time entered the race and too, and took the lead at 44 percent, leaving Sampson with just 38 percent. But guess who won? A man by the name Trumbull won. But he only had 9 percent support!
Well, Sampson was a giver. He saw that Trumbull had a small but loyal base who would never come over to him. Furthermore, he felt that he could support Trumbull’s policies. So, he stepped down and encouraged his supporters to vote for Trumbull.
Sampson wasn’t concerned about merely winning. He wanted the right man in the office.
One of his political opponents said that Sampson “comes very near being a perfect man. He lacks just one thing. “ He was a pathological giver. 4 years later, Sampson ran for the senate again. He lost for a very similar reason. In the dog-eat-dog world of politics, it was clear, his tendencies as a giver didn’t stand a chance. Everyone was sure that he would never win.
Takers have something in common. And that is, at the fundamental level, they are always working towards their best case scenario. Whether it is family, friends, work, or even church, they are always looking for ways to work towards what they want to see, regardless of what it means for others. They just want to win.
But, could our best-case-scenario be God’s worst nightmare?
When we read the Bible we can see that Joseph was in Egypt for a very important purpose. But his situation didn’t really speak of the importance of his mission. He becomes a slave. Then, he ends up in prison. What’s worse, is that he didn’t deserve to be there. He was innocent!
So far, looking back at Joseph’s time as Potiphar’s slave, it is very clear that Joseph had been a giver. I mean, who gives a slave credit for the work that he does? Joseph worked hard to make Potiphar succeed. This is clear when it came to Joseph’s encounter with Potiphar’s wife. Had Joseph been a taker, this was his chance to work around the master and work for his own benefit. But when we read what he said, it is clear that he is a giver through and through. (Genesis 39:8-10)
“But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.”
But where does his giving attitude land him? In prison!
But one day, Joseph sees a glimmer of hope. Two very important people join him in prison, they were Pharaoh’s butler and baker. And one day, they both have dreams and they are bothered by it, because they don’t know what the dreams meant.(Genesis 40:6-13)
“When Joseph came to them the next morning, he saw that they were dejected. So he asked Pharaoh’s officials who were in custody with him in his master’s house, “Why do you look so sad today?” “We both had dreams,” they answered, “but there is no one to interpret them.” Then Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.” So the chief cupbearer told Joseph his dream. He said to him, “In my dream I saw a vine in front of me, and on the vine were three branches. As soon as it budded, it blossomed, and its clusters ripened into grapes. Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand, and I took the grapes, squeezed them into Pharaoh’s cup and put the cup in his hand.” “This is what it means,” Joseph said to him. “The three branches are three days. Within three days Pharaoh will lift up your head and restore you to your position, and you will put Pharaoh’s cup in his hand, just as you used to do when you were his cupbearer.”
Joseph, under inspiration, gives the interpretation of the dream to the butler and its a positive one. He would be reinstated as Pharaoh’s butler. This was great news, not only for the butler, but possibly for Joseph!
So for the first time in the story, Joseph tries to be a taker. Or at least a matcher. He has been giving, giving and giving, with nothing in return and he is worn out. He feels that, if the dream becomes true, then, wouldn’t it be fair, at the least, for the butler to mention him to pharaoh? The man who has absolute control over the affairs of the nation? (Genesis 40:14-15)
“But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison. I was forcibly carried off from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing to deserve being put in a dungeon.”
Now, I am not saying that there was anything wrong with what Joseph says here. It’s all true. He was innocent. He didn’t do anything to deserve to be there. He had been a giver all his life. Now, Joseph felt that he was at the end of his ropes. He was tired of being a doormat. He was tired of losing. Even Joseph, was tempted to become a matcher or a taker.
So, Joseph starts to formulate his best case scenario. He decides that he is going to use his connection to change his situation.
But, what does the Bible say? What happens to his plans? (Genesis 40:20-22)
Now the third day was Pharaoh’s birthday, and he gave a feast for all his officials. He lifted up the heads of the chief cupbearer and the chief baker in the presence of his officials: He restored the chief cupbearer to his position, so that he once again put the cup into Pharaoh’s hand— but he impaled the chief baker, just as Joseph had said to them in his interpretation.
Both butler and the baker experienced what Joseph predicted. They were released as Joseph said. The baker was killed, and the butler was reinstated. So, what happened to Joseph’s plans? (Genesis 40:23)
“The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him.”
That must have felt terrible. Day in day out, he was waiting for the message from the Butler. It never came.
Joseph’s best case scenario didn’t pan out.
How about us?
How often have we been disappointed that our best case scenarios didn’t work out?
How many of us are currently struggling, because what we think is best for ourselves, our family or our church isn’t panning out. I think that’s all of us.
If our thoughts about ourselves, family or church begin with “if only…” then I think it’s safe to assume that we are struggling with our best case scenario not working out…
If only…
If only my husband would be more loving.
If only, my wife can be more respectful.
If only, my kid can become a successful professional.
If only, my kid can get better grades.
If only, my kid can make it into the top schools.
If only so and so can come to church and lead out, I’m sure that this church will grow.
If only more people would come to church…
If only….
But, our husbands are never as loving as we want them to be at that moment.
We can get hurt by the comments made by our wives that seem disrespectful.
It could be that our child may not be academically in tune.
The church may be devoid of the type of persons we think are born to be leaders, to lead this church.
Small or a lot, the people who show up at church on Saturdays are the people who will show up. No more no less.
We all know what it means to live in a world where we don’t always experience our best case scenarios.
But, here is a major flaw in all of our best case scenarios. They are often, God’s worst nightmares. Why? Because they’re bad? Probably not. Most of us desire good things. There’s nothing wrong with living with a loving husband, a respectful wife and successful children. There’s nothing holy about a sparsely attended church. There’s nothing wrong with the fact that God has blessed certain people with a magnet-like personality. I wish I had that, but I don’t.
The problem isn’t with what we want, it’s what we don’t take into account that is problematic. It’s not wrong to want these things. It’s just that in our pursuit of these things, we can forget other things.
As husbands, we may not always act in loving ways that make our wives want to respect us.
If we want our husbands to be more loving, there’s a good chance that we’re not thankful for the way they are and what they already do for us. The chances are, we want them to change without seeing our need to be more thankful and respectful.
In our efforts towards our mind’s best case scenario for our children, that usually revolves around academia, we often neglect their character development. I’m not talking about being a good kid, or staying out of trouble. I am speaking of what I have seen time and time again in my years in all the churches that I have been a part of. As parents, as a church, we are lacking in our God-given responsibility to train our children for God. I am not just talking about just their Bible knowledge. I am looking at this more holistically.
In our best case scenarios for the church, how much thought do we give to our personal responsibilities before God?
I hope you understand, I am not pointing fingers at any individuals. I am describing a pattern that I seen in church and in life, including my own.
Regardless. It doesn’t feel good when our best-case-scenarios don’t seem to see the light of day.
The king’s cupbearer had professed the deepest gratitude to Joseph, both for the cheering interpretation of his dream and for many acts of kind attention; but when restored to royal favor, he thought no more of his benefactor. For two years longer Joseph remained a prisoner. The hope that had been kindled in his heart gradually died out, and to all other trials was added the bitter sting of ingratitude. Patriarchs and Prophets 219.2
We’ve all been there. I’ve been there many many times. We all know that life can be challenging. Things happen. We all know that so we try hard to overcome these things.
But in relationships, nothing feels worse than being betrayed. Few things in life feels worse than knowing that your efforts are unappreciated. Nothing in life is so hard to deal with than feeling that the very ones that you thought would understand your hard work, didn’t even care.
This is why pain received from church is so hard to deal with. Because we come to find out that someone else’s best case scenario didn’t include us. Someone’s view of what a church should be didn’t include our effort or value being recognized.
Joseph was hurt. It wasn’t like he asked for a lot. He just requested that the butler just tell Pharaoh about him…
Joseph just wanted to be a free man! What was so wrong about that? also, he could have wondered, if God is really there, why doesn’t he answer Joseph’s prayer? Even if no one else knew, at the least, God should know that Joseph is innocent.
Let’s spend a few minutes thinking about what is happening here.
- Jospeh wanted to a free man.
- He wanted to go home.
Why did God not allow this simple request? In the book “prayer” this is what Ellen White said.
In the future life the mysteries that here have annoyed and disappointed us will be made plain. We shall see that our seemingly unanswered prayers and disappointed hopes have been among our greatest blessings. Prayer 112.4
Let’s think about what would have happened if Joseph got his best-case-scenario.
- Joseph becomes free.
- Jospeh goes home.
- Jacob finds out what the brothers did.
- Jacob, in his anger, could have killed them.
Even if this didn’t happen, the world would have been unprepared for the famine. The family would have died of famine. Jesus would not have been born, as promised by God.
Allow me to bring out some important points.
- Joseph’s best case scenario was for him to go home to eat a home cooked meal, God planned for him to provide meals for the entire nation and the region during the famine.
- Joseph’s best case scenario was for him to go home. God planned to for to provide the ideal home for his family.
- Joseph’s best case scenario was improving his situation, while God’s plan was to save the world through the coming Messiah.
Simply put, Joseph’s best case scenario was short-sighted, while God’s plan was longer term. Joseph was only looking at the here and the now, while God had eternity in mind.
Joseph’s best case scenario didn’t address what would happen after his got what he wanted. Joseph’s best case scenario didn’t address how his decisions might impact the lives of others. Joseph wasn’t thinking about God’s promise to Abraham!
But finally, at the end of the day, the reason why our best case scenarios are God’s worst nightmare is, because it just doesn’t compare. We are selling ourselves short!
- Joseph’s best case scenario was for him to be a free man. God planned for him to be the prime minister.
Our best case scenarios imagine life, only a few levels above where we are currently. At best, our best case scenario only considers inflation.
For Joseph, as a prisoner, he only wanted to be free.
No matter how we measure it, there was simply no way for Joseph to have imagined himself as the prime minister of Egypt. But that’s what God had in mind.
Higher than the highest human thought can reach is God’s ideal for His children. Godliness– godlikeness–is the goal to be reached. Before the student there is opened a path of continual progress. He has an object to achieve, a standard to attain, that includes everything good, and pure, and noble. He will advance as fast and as far as possible in every branch of true knowledge. But his efforts will be directed to objects as much higher than mere selfish and temporal interests as the heavens are higher than the earth.–Education, pp. 18, 19.
Our youth are, in all sincerity, leaving the church and God behind to reach for their best case scenario. They see God at odds with what they think is best. They’ve come to see God, Bible and the church as good ideas that they can do with out. For some, they see it as a shackle that is holding them back from taking flight. They want to be free.
Our youth go through church their entire life, only to come out at the end somehow convinced that their lives will be best enjoyed outside of God’s plans.
I do not condemn them. I have no right to. We have no right to condemn people are who sincerely doing what they believe is best.
I weep for their loss. I weep because they chose being a free man or woman, in contrast to what God intended for them to be, as prime ministers.
But this loss isn’t limited to those who have left the church, many who come to church week in and week out, who are constantly wishing to be a free man or woman, blinded by the prison of life, that we struggle to trust that in His time God wants make us prime ministers. We don’t believe that it is possbile for us to be more than a free man. For many, the difference between who we are today and who we want to be, isn’t much more than the thickness of the prison wall.
But more so, I weep, because, while we are frustrated by our best case scenario not happening, there are people around us who are experiencing spiritual famines. What makes our best case scenarios God’s worst nightmares, is that we’re not thinking about others! We’re lost in our frustrations and dissatisfactions that we don’t see how our faith in God’s great plan and timing can bring salvation to their lives!
Our best case scenarios are God’s worst nightmares, because while we are trying to become free men and women, we deny that God can work through us.
This is what I humbly present as the fundamental solution to not only keeping our youth in the church, but also for us to fulfill God’s dream for us and through us. Let’s change the trajectory of our lives in such a way, that inspires them that God is still alive and is able to do great things through them. They must see that God’s got plans to make them prime ministers.
In the Bible, names are very important, furthermore, name changes are very significant. According to Genesis 30:24 we read that Joseph’s name means “may he add more.”
Basically, Joseph’s name meant “dissatisfaction”. His very existence was a representation of how his mother felt when she had him. She wanted more. She wanted more children. She was sure that if she had more children, her husband would love her more than her sister. In her best case scenario, her value was based on how many sons she had. But, what she failed to realize was that her husband already loved her more than Leah. Jacob virtually worked 14 years for her and the Bible says that he felt like it was a few days. Jacob was totally lost in his love for Rachel. Had Rachel realized this, she would have lived a much happier life.
Joseph, as he sat in the prison was dissatisfied, and rightly so. But when he came out and became the prime minister, he got a new name, Zaphenath-Paneah. It’s Egyptian, but look at what it mans.
The Gods Speaks and He lives or God speaks and He lives.
My friends, had Joseph accomplished his best case scenario, the Egyptians would have never found out that God speak and He lives!
God was preparing Joseph for the perfect moment, when his voice would be heard as both the proof of God’s existence and His care for the world.
God is longing for us to be preparing for those moments in our lives where what we say and do will act as the most powerful evidence of God’s existence and His care for those around us.
This is possible, only when we put a hold on our best case scenarios and learn to trust God for his plans. It’s not because our plans are evil, it’s because our plans are short-sighted and us centered.
This is the way that we have been given, as to how we are to follow Jesus.
From His earliest years He was possessed of one purpose; He lived to bless others. Desire of Ages 70
God has the perfect plan in place, and the only way we can play our part is, if we are not engrossed in our own best-case-scenario.
So, if the givers are at the bottom of the success ladder, whose at the top. Is it the takers or the matchers?
The best engineers were givers. Even in medical school, the highest performing students were givers. The highest performing sales people were also givers as well. What happened?
The passing of time and circumstances changed the outcome. While givers seemed to struggle with disadvantages early on, they often rose to the occasion. Their giver tendencies made them more effective once they were in the game longer and interpersonal relationships became more significant. THis was most pronounced in medical school where the training become more interactive as they progressed into practical training. It was all about the relationships.
Everything that matters in life are about relationships, even politics.
What about Sampson, the pathological giver who rarely won. How did he do in the dog-eat-dog world of politics? This Kentucky hick, later becomes the president of the United States. He then forms the most powerful cabinet in our nations history made up of some of his most bitter opponents. He is, to this day, remembered as the Greatest President this country has ever seen. You might say, I know my presidents and we never had a president Sampon. Yes. Sampson wasn’t his real name. It was the pen name of President Abraham Lincoln.
Like Joseph, Abraham Lincoln’s life wasn’t filled with roses and flowers. It was filled with defeats and failures. Had he not become president, he would have been forgotten. But what made his life amazing wasn’t only that he became the president. It was that…
HE. WAS. THE. MAN. FOR. THE. JOB.
Like Joseph, had Abraham Lincoln been the president at any other time, his wisdom would have been wasted. I believe that God chose Abraham to be the president at the time because he was the man for the job. Even in his choice of cabinet members, he didn’t choose people who would suck up to him and agree with him. No, he wanted people who could do their jobs. The nation needed a president who sought to give all that he can for the good of the country, rather than being blinded by his own political agenda, or should I say, his own political best case scenario.
This is what God is calling us to be.
The greatest want of the world is the want of men—men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.
But such a character is not the result of accident; it is not due to special favors or endowments of Providence. A noble character is the result of self-discipline, of the subjection of the lower to the higher nature—the surrender of self for the service of love to God and man.
― Ellen G. White, Education
The question still stands, how do we experience this in our lives today, in a practical way?
Stay tuned for the next post,
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